Singing in the rain called Cancer

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I have cancer.

I honestly don’t know where to start or what to say.  I now realize I haven’t made this statement out loud, I haven’t spoken of it to anyone other than family, and I’m having a really hard time writing about it now; but for some reason I feel I have to get it off my chest.

I was diagnosed on February 23rd, 2017. When my doctor told me the news I felt like time completely stopped, I heard his voice in slow-motion, and I felt like I was falling. As I sat there in utter shock he began to explain the pathology report and my disease, “the biopsy shows that it is a rare malignant tumor called a myxoid liposarcoma”.

During the later summer of 2016 I felt a slightly larger than normal lump in my upper right thigh. It didn’t hurt or bother me but I thought it was unusual because I had never noticed it before. I showed my husband who also felt it was nothing to worry about and we both  went on with our day. I consider myself a fairly healthy 31 year old woman. I workout 3-5 times a week, eat as “clean” as I possibly can Monday through Friday and I have one too many cheat meals over the weekends. I enjoy an occasional moscow mule or glass of cabernet sauvignon while eating anything sweet and salty. After finding the lump I decided to let it go, it was more than likely to be nothing nothing. Right?

Later in the year I noticed that I was constantly pulling my back out after a workout. No matter what I did, walking wasn’t an option by the time I got home from the gym. By early January I was tired of my back problems and decided to start researching what my prognosis could be. I read several different articles on back issues and causes but nothing mentioned my symptoms until I opened a blog from a young girl in the UK. Everything she wrote was almost exactly what I had been feeling for months, she was diagnosed with a liposarcoma. The very next morning I scheduled my physical.

After countless MRI’s, CT scans, and UCLA Sarcoma center visits – today I start radiation. The journey begins to wholeness. My dreams have been put on hold, so for now, I’m singing in the rain.

My parents raised me in a christian home and I have always had a personal relationship with God into my adult years. I truly believe that I would have never had the lump checked if it weren’t for my spirit speaking to me, my heart knew. It is times like these I now see that ones faith either shows up or steps out. Although for a second the diagnoses felt consuming, my faith showed up in that doctors office. I’ve cried, laughed, cried and laughed some more. I don’t ask “why me?”, because then that would imply I would want someone else to have this. I don’t question God and his will for my life, because I know he’s with me. This is life. We are all walking each day hoping for the best result but when we don’t receive the news we wanted, when life doesn’t happen the way we planned, that is where true character is built.

In this exact moment I was given a choice on how I want to show up in life. I choose to believe in a God who heals. I choose to walk by faith and not by sight. I choose to live an extraordinary life. I choose to live a life worth living and on purpose. I’m not going to hide my tears or sadness, I’m going to boast in the beauty of what God has given me. I choose to live.

If there is anyone out there who knows about myxoid liposarcoma, I would love to hear positive feedback. I would love to hear your story. For those who have cancer or have been diagnosed with cancer, I am here, you are not alone.

~ Idalia K.

 

23 thoughts on “Singing in the rain called Cancer”

  2. Idalia, I have had the privilege of knowing you for 27 years and I am so proud of you and your beautiful transparency. I have never personally had cancer, but I stood by my momevery day as she fought Stage 3 Endometrial cancer. She inspired me to be a fighter, just as you are inspiring your readers. That no matter what report man gives you, the Lord is the one who holds your future. I remember how she would put scripture all around the house and she would listen to praise and worship music when she was in the hospital. Her focus was always on God’s goodness and promises. I encourage you to do the same. Constantly renew your mind with His promises. Place it all around the house so that on those days when you are feeling weak or tired, your Spirit will rise up and give you the strength to keep fighting. I love you Idalia and I will be praying for a full recovery in Jesus name!!

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    1. Wow! I had no idea about your mom. I am so sorry! Sometimes we go about living our lives without realizing how others are hurting. I already started my “Promise board” and I am claiming God’s words over my life daily! The peace I feel is honestly passing all understanding. And your story and words of encouragement add fuel to the fire God has placed in my heart. Love you and thank you for standing with me! ❤

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  3. Beautifully written and shared Idalia! Your Chalkline family is with you and sending you love and healing at all times. With your faith, will and focus on healthy living… you will win this battle!

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    1. Thank you so much Emily!! I miss my morning workouts but I KNOW I will be back better than ever. My focus and will are strong but my faith is even stronger! Can’t wait to have you kicking my butt into shape again. I have a vision now and I’m determined to achieve it!

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  6. You’re strong and beautiful for sharing your story. I will be praying with you for your quick recovery! Love you girl, let me know if you need anthing!!

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    1. The study in Liposarcoma therapy has evolved greatly over the past 20 years. I know there are several different forms of therapy. At this point I believe the treatment plan the doctors have selected is the best one for my situation. But I do enjoy learning as much as possible. Thank you for sending me this! 😉

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    1. Thank you Tane! Just knowing that you are sending love and prayers is enough at the moment! I can’t wait to come over for our 5 o’clock wine time and share stories like the old days! Love you and miss you tons! xoxo ❤

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  9. I love you, Idalia. You are one my my oldest friends (not old..but you get what I mean) you are a strong woman and have a beautiful soul. I in no way have any worries for you. I will be a prayer warrior and I have faith you will beat cancer’s butt.

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  10. Hello Idalia, I know you very little, but I hope you receive strength, and a lot of patience. I believe in God too. I know he has the power to restore each cell in your body, I will pray for you, and for you healing. Best wishes. Att. Karen
    [Liat’s nanny]

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    1. Karen, this put the BIGGEST smile on my face! I agree that by HIS stripes I AM healed in Jesus name! I am redeemed by his mercy and grace! Thank you for being such a positive and wonderful woman. Thank you for believing with me! ❤

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  11. My thoughts and Prayers go out to you and J.D. Ive always known you to be free spirited and a wonderful person. Now that it begins, have faith in the power of the almighty which has made your hand and spirit strong and will continue to help you through this. I will pray for you and J.D. , for healing and spirit to guide you through.

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  12. Idalia,

    I am so glad that our paths have crossed. You are a beautiful person and you are very brave. You can and will get through this. While your plans may be on hold at the moment, you will get to where you need to be!

    As you read on my blog, I had a 2% chance of living, and here I am 33 years later. You can do this!!

    I look forward to following your journey and I will keep you in my prayers.

    Jewels

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  13. I see that you have started to follow my blog. I was curious who you are so I read this post. Cancer ! I know about it. I am a cancer survivor ( 1998). Breast Cancer. I was 39 with two little boys. It was not easy but with my husband we went through treatments and life. You are positive and you need to stay that way. There is so much more mow with technology and healing. I don’t know anything about your type of cancer. I am sure you’ll be in good hands. Take care and stay strong.

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